Things have been happening around me, and to me, and to others...and it's all giving a beating to my feelings of confidence. My cryptic post the other night was just a taste of what has been going on.
I feel like I went through enormous life changes about 7 months ago and now I'm going through enormous life changes again - a little too soon for my taste. 7 months ago everything seemed too good to be true, now things are showing a bit of their true colors.
I am not down and out yet, but I have certainly been struggling with a few things.
Apartment/Moving
You know, my apartment looks great. And after 7 months, I know that that is all it has to offer. A long list of maintenance problems, mainly with major appliances, has plagued my existence here. As an update, the hot water situation has been fixed to the point of being tolerable so I can finish out my lease and move on. Tolerable is not a good way to be describing your home, but actually I feel more at peace now because I am not trying to attack the same problem day after day.
As far as missing family, I'm doing pretty well with that one. I think more as a result of it being a pain in the butt to spend my whole weekend driving only to spend about 24 full hours in Austin, I feel that I don't need to go too often. But really thinking about it, I'm glad to have this time of independence from my family because I want to focus on a relationship - me and the world. Hello, world.
Work
I have had the most wonderful experience I could have imagined at my job so far. I feel lucky that I found this opportunity at just the right time, the stars aligned, and I'm in my dream job. Any stress thus far has been about learning the ropes, time pressures, and handling new experiences.
However, my first experience with writing a brief has thus far not gone as well as I would have hoped. The big picture, I think, is that brief writing is seen as all-important when you're in school but it is just a small portion of what you actually do in your job. I think that it is a very tangible thing that planners can point to so people equate planners with briefs. My foundation in Planning wanted me to have a really stellar first experience with writing a brief.
Though the process is not done yet and so my first experience with a brief (at my job) is not over and could still change, I have thus far conflicted with my account service team and the client. Whew, that's kind of a big deal to me. It's part me not being very familiar with this new brand, part me not knowing how to work with this team yet, and part me not being confident to the point that I can defend my brief. That really exposes a wound here, but I realized that this is something that is really not taught to you (and can it be?). Reaching out for answers, I have come back to a very rational and factual place: planners are lucky because they have the research to fall back on for defense. When I have the power of knowledge behind me, my instinct, gut, and confidence will be stronger. And time and experience will definitely help too.
This one has really been affecting me this week but I am taking measures to work on it.
A side note: I worked and worked and worked in school towards a goal. Now that I have achieved that initial goal, it's about setting new ones, learning and growing, and molding my career/shaping my future into what I want it to be. I'm not sure that I know what I want it to be yet - time will tell.
Life
Gotta hit all the major areas, doesn't it?
I just want to keep something in mind for myself. While secretly I wish everyone could do this too (or keep it in mind too), I know that it is up to the individual to carry out. I think you can provide guidance and opinions, but people want to do things their own way. Flip that around on yourself and ask if you really take what other people say to you into consideration - do they have a point? Maybe you think everyone should just stay out of other people's business...but we're human, aren't we?
Here's the general idea: "Sometimes when you open up to people, you let the bad in with the good."
This is all growth, this is all about becoming the very best person I can be.
I'm still faltering a little...that's the crisis.
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4 comments:
My worst fear about planning was disagreeing with the creatives, but the client- that's got to be a lot harder to deal with.
It's interesting because this is not what you think of right away - you have so many different people to get on board. It's the creatives, yes, but first it's your Planning Director, then the Account Service team, then the Creative director, then the clients, then the creative team...and THEN you have to defend the creative that is created from your brief.
I'm not even halfway through this process yet. Overwhelming? Yes. Am I learning every step of the way? Yes. Will I continue to blog about it? Absolutely. ;)
I think confidence is something I struggle with on a daily basis. In my work, in my relationships, in who I feel I am as a person... I think the weirdest thing is that very few people see me as being nearly as incapable (or as insecure) as I see myself. *shrug* It's something I have learned sort of works against me at my current work. My lack of confidence, I think, has translated into people not challenging me enough, because they're afraid I can't handle it. But...I'm good at the challenge! That's the only thing I feel confident about. =P
So...I definitely get the crisis of confidence thing. =\ It's tough, and I think women face this a lot more than men do...
I think that's very true - I don't think that people often see when I'm not feeling as confident...but somehow that doesn't make me feel a whole lot better.
I do fear it at work though. The last thing you want to appear is incapable. I thrive off of challenge as well but I fear it absolutely avalanching on my head and being too much.
Oi. I just have to remember that these challenges teach me something and that I'm stronger (and more confident) because of them.
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